The Worst Writer Of All Time

There's been a lot of talk about reviews in my writing group recently. As an aspiring author, my focus is usually on finishing the damn project that I'm working on. The idea that someone might hate all over what I have toiled for weeks, month and years to create hasn't even crossed my mind.

Until now.

Now that I have submitted my first manuscript to my first agency, I'm starting to think about what other people might think about what I write.

I am a great reader, but I have never been a great writer. I am a good writer, but a convoluted storyteller and I often have to unwind the story that's in my head before I can find the beginning and start to tell it.

I am surprised by how easily people criticize the works of others. This week it was Stephen King who earned my ire. When I was in middle school, his books were considered pop fiction and had the same reputation as junk food. When did he become the 21st century's answer to William Shakespeare? Everyone is a critic. How soon we forget…

I read constantly and I seldom say "I hated that book." I don't always finish books. I skim some books. I know which genre of books I've tried before and failed to enjoy. I have my guilty pleasures that I return to over and over. And I do enjoy some books more than others, but that can depend on my mood, the weather, the news I just watched on the television –that's why there are so many different kinds of book genres.

What do you do when you get a bad review? I hope that I take the same approach as this restaurant owner who not only acknowledged a bad review, but he used it as an advertisement to entice more customers. Bravo!

Everyone who a computer and access to the internet has become a professional critic. You might as well keep your sense of humor about what others think about you and move on with your life. Life's too short and filled with too many obstacles. I want to die laughing.

The Fashion In Me

I am no fashionista. I really like fashion. I'm intrigued by clothes and style. I watch "Project Runway" like it is appointment television, but I don't have a personal style and I don't know how to dress myself to look good. I don't like to shop. I don't like to try  things on in a fitting room. Puh-leze! I can point out someone who knows how to dress with their own personal style and wear clothes that suit their body type. I'm pretty sure that makes my lack of style more even frustrating.

I have been a slave to fashion over my lifetime. I've worn painful shoes and clothes that weren't comfortable just to look like I knew what was in vogue at the time. I once wore a logo tee on a first date. I wore a tea length prom dress to a dance that has since only been worn for a Halloween costume. I frequently wear long sleeves on hot days just to cover up my arms.

I can't say that I'm always drawn to styles that suit me. I love Audrey Hepburn's style. I was a huge fan of Princess Diana and Princess Kate. I should be drawn to the style of Sofia Vergara (who's too bombshell for me) and Christina Hendricks (who often looks too dowdy) but I'm not. I wish I was.

Now and then, I've found some clothes that really work for me. They are wardrobe changers. Sometimes they are shoes (mostly boots), and sometimes they are a sweater or jacket that makes me feel like I've gotten close to pulling my look together. I have an entire drawer full of scarves that I've been using for this purpose, but I've grown to realize that scarves don't look good on women with full figures.

Earlier this year, I decided to cut my hair into a shoulder length bob. I had to beg my hair stylist – but I really thought it was time. She did a beautiful job. I think it is adorable and age appropriate. I have a photo of me with longer hair on my desk and I often pine for my longer locks, but I know I did the right thing.

It wasn't until NYFW (Fashion Week) started this week and I saw photos of Anna Wintour flitting from fashion show to fashion show that I realized that I may finally be on trend. Anna and I have the same hair-do. Now if I can only do something about my style (or lack there of) below the neck.

Her Partner In Crime

Helene Hanff is one of my three favorite authors. Jane Austen, Agatha Christie and Helene Hanff are all on my short list. Other authors float on and off my top list now and again, but these three remain at the top of the pile.

I love Jane's wit. I love Agatha's cunning and as for Helene, I love her style. And her joie de vivre. She loved her life. Even when she was being challenged while trying to crash Broadway during the 1930s and 1940s. In the 1950s she started working as a reader for a movie studio in New York City. One  weekend, they gave her the epic JRR Tolkein three-book series to read in 48 hours. She charged them extra for cruelty. It's no wonder that the movies weren't brought to the screen until recently. The movie studio probably kept pulling out her coverage and saying -- I don't think so.

Her best friend and partner in crime in crashing the theatre was an actress named Maxine Stuart. Maxine had all kinds of unorthodox acting and beauty methods. She used to practice her speech by screaming in her parent's bathroom. And she baked her hair in the over. She matched Helene's character step by delicate step.They went to opening night of hit Broadway shows using the "Just Go" method. Everyone should try that method at least once.

Maxine died recently. Her death marks the end of an era. A wonderful era. You should read all about it in "Underfoot in Show Business." I promise, you'll thank me later.

This One's For You

I'm feeling a bit more stressed out than usual this week. I lost my watch. And then I found it. I went for a walk and was back at the starting line before I even knew I had left. And then this morning, I got in my car to walk to work and I got rocked by Peggy Lee doing this little number. Some people rock out to Rush. Some people like to giddy up to the boot scootin' boogie. I like a classic. 

Sweet Georgie Brown

As if you needed another reason to love and adore Mel Brooks. In this interview, he reveals his love and adoration for his wife. He says he "liked her so much, I couldn't get enough of her." And there's a little bit of Judd Apatow. It's all good.

I Am Man Repellant

 UPDATE: Turns out Mitt Romney disagrees with me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

I am writing in response to the lovely lady graduate of Princeton who recently admonished young women who were attending that prestigious university to find and marry a man as soon as possible. If they don't they will regret it for the rest of their lives. She did it twice. Once she wrote about it, and then she went and visited the campus and repeated herself in person.

 I disagree strongly. I didn't get married until I was 48 -- almost 49. 

I am man repellant.

I am a woman who lived through my twenties and thirties mostly as a single woman. I had a few relationships here and there. None of them were too important. A couple of trysts I treated as more important than they were, and a couple of affairs I probably should've paid more attention to, but I didn't. 

The truth is that if I had married anyone that I met when I was in college, I would've regretted it for the rest of my life. I wasn't ready to be loved or give love in a way that makes a long term relationship successful. My dad always said that I was a late bloomer. It always got under my skin when he said it, but now that I'm older I'm able to admit that he was right. I am a really late bloomer. 

Sometimes I wish that I had gotten involved with someone enough to have children when I was in my late thirties or early forties, but I know that I wouldn't still be with that person. Or if I was, it would only be for the children. And I don't think that's a good lesson for children. I think you should teach children about happiness by letting them see how you find yours. I think that's one of the most important lessons that you can teach children. 

But what do I know? I'm not a mom. I am not a teacher. I am, however, someone who struggled to find their own path for many years. And sometimes I was lonely. I could choose to regret all those years out in the woods while I was trying to find my own way. But I wasn't completely lost. That's not what it looked like to me. Just as I am now, I was a vibrant and active member of society. I was caring and giving. I learned. I worked. I played. I loved. I lost. I won. I lived. I think it would be a poor decision to regret any of it. 

I'm not saying that I'm a better person because I waited until I was 48 until I got married. I'm just saying that I'm a better me because I waited. I waited for me to be grown up and ready for love and, most importantly, for the right man to stumble into my life. 

And that's when every woman should get married -- exactly at that very nebulous time in her life. When she's ready and she's found the one. And until then, she shouldn't ever feel like she's man repellant. And shame on anyone who calls her that behind her back. For that is what's truly repellant.

Just Plain Silly

A cat in a shark costume on a  Roomba chasing a duckling. What more do you want?