Saturday, June 28, 2008

American Idol

Since I was twenty years old, I've idolized Heather Locklear. Blond, bronzed, petite, fresh-faced...too cute to be considered beautiful, but so sweet and sexy no man would say no to her. I questioned her decision to marry rocker Tommy Lee...but I also had a sweet spot for bad I cut her some slack. Later I saw the Pamela Anderson - Tommy Lee sex tape and I knew why she'd married him.

He had an enormous schwanzstucker.

I was so happy for her when she married Richie Sambora and had a little baby girl named Ava. She seemed to have it all. And then there was the announcement of the divorce, and that Denise "Reality Show" Richards entered the picture. And then...oh, the irony...Heather started dating that guy from that soap opera...and then Heather's people announced that she had entered a facility for treatment of depression and anxiety.

Which made my depression and anxiety go into overdrive because let's face it...I'm not anywhere near the woman she is...and if she's depressed...what hope do I have to experience the miracle of middle-age?

Godspeed, Heather Locklear. Women over 40 everywhere wish you a speedy recovery. We need you to get better soon and lead us out of the darkness of the Middle Ages.