Friday, March 27, 2009

Wild Thing! You make my heart sing!

You remember "Where the Wild Things Are" don't you? It's the classic children's book with the incredible drawings by Maurice Sendak -- the stuff of fantasies and nightmares. I still have a copy of it on the top shelf of my bookcase. I also have a copy of a lesser known book by Sendak called, "Sarah's Room." The inscription inside reads, "To Sarah Elizabeth from Grandma Bishop" and it was given to me by my precious Azalia. It's dated on the day I was born. That book is on another shelf where I keep my true treasures. I can hardly wait to see what the slightly demented mind of Spike Jonze does with the filmed version of "Where The Wild Things Are. "

Thursday, March 26, 2009

You're As Cold As Ice

The competitive world of college basketball in the month of March is a passion for many. Did you know there are vasectomy clinics that actually advertise to men that it's a great time to get snipped and take a couple days off parked in front of the television? And the clinic says it saw a 10% increase in its business last year.

As if!

Personally, I've always believed that a bracket is a useful tool for successful punctuation. I'm slightly more intrigued by college basketball than professional hoops – but honestly, that's not saying much. It's just not my scene.

March is my favorite time of the year because I look forward to it for the competitive high-stakes that is the ISU World Figure Skating Championships. This year, the competition is here in Los Angeles at the Staples Center. At first, I had dreams of attending, but after seeing the prices charged for decent seats, I had second thoughts. For what they were charging for mid-level seats, Evan Lysacek would've had to perform a personal lap dance on me for me to feel I was getting my money's worth.

And I was frustrated to discover that figure skating is no longer broadcast on the sports channels. I have for years thought that eventually someone was going to realize that a sport that requires sequins, may not be a sport per se. But that shouldn't take away from how much talent and athletic ability it takes to be a factor in figure skating – nor how hard the competitors work to become the best. Figure skating competitions have found a new home on the Lifetime and 'WE' channels. I don't know whether to be insulted or relieved to have it on a "women's channel." (Check your local listings so you can see all of the skating, Betty.)


Either way, it's there…all of it…hours and hours of figure skating that I can watch at 5:00 am in the morning while I'm getting ready for work. Can you think of any nicer way to start the day?
Me neither. Brackets, schmakets…

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

While the cat's away....

Sarah's got jury duty today, so I'm taking over and guest blogging. She'll never notice. Can you imagine what kind of trouble I could get into if I only had opposable thumbs? Spring has finally come to the Santa Clarita Valley and I've been leaving the comfort of my fuzzy cup on the sofa for the thrills on the patio. There are many wonderful plants and herbs that I enjoy nibbling behind Sarah's back. The deliciously-scented jasmine is a favorite, and I often receive a visitor of the male feline persuasion. He's very athletic and can scale the wall in a single bound. I love having the place to myself and have few complaints. But I do have to tell you that the stuff she's been feeding me all these years that she calls 'Fancy Feast' isn't.  I'll blog again, when my servant...Sarah is out of town.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings

It all started last January when we were at Wal-Mart. This should be the first rule: nothing good comes from a visit to Wal-Mart. We noticed that a vacuum cleaner model just like the one the Handsomest Man Alive owned was on sale. On his recommendation, I purchased one for my apartment. I had wall-to-wall carpeting in my apartment. My previous apartment had hard wood floors, so I needed an upright vacuum. Everything was fine for a few months, when coughing and gasping and spitting out dirt, my vacuum died. And the dirt cup in the one owned by the HMA got stuck. We were without any vacuum machines and with kitty litter in use in both of our homes, it was a dire situation.

Very dire indeed.

So I took my vacuum into Aloha Vac n Sew. The nice man there laughed and told me that my vacuum was crap. He proceeded to do the hard sell on a new $300 vacuum. I scoffed and opted for the $60.00 repair. I believed I had gotten the best of the deal, until a month later, with the acrid smell of burnt rubber, my vacuum flat-lined again. The one owned by the HMA still had a jammed dirt cup, so back I went to see the guy at Vac n Sew. He was glad to see us. Reminded us again that the vacuum model we both owned was a piece of crap and backed it up by showing us his backroom where three more of the same model were waiting for repairs. He gave us the hard sell again on a brand-spanking new vacuum. We listened politely and waited for our cue to exit. It cost us another sixty bucks to get my vacuum overhauled for a second time. Now the one with the jammed dirt cup is in his backroom waiting for its turn to be repaired. He's got a nice racket going there, I don't know why he's trying so hard to sell the $300 vacuums.

Just for laughs we got on a website that reviewed our vacuum cleaner model. It was hilarious. The first review sang the praises of the vacuum, but out of fifty or more comments left by readers, most were extremely dissatisfied with the vacuum. We laughed until our sides hurt. “I would drop this piece of shit off of a fourth floor balcony, if I had a balcony…”one of the reviews began. None of us may have a way to clean our carpets, but at least we haven’t lost our sense of humor.