Morning Hot Flash August 1, 2008

• I smashed my piggybank after I heard that Cher has put her Malibu mansion up for sale. Do you think she'll take 42 cents as a deposit on a $45 million home? Wait? I may have a couple of dimes in the seats in my car...

• Movies starring old grey-haired people? Shocking! Horrifying! Stop, I'm trying to eat my breakfast.

• The world's most beautiful newborns, Knox and Viv, will make their first scheduled Internet appearance at 7:00 pm EDT on Sunday, August 3, 2008. Please plan your weekend accordingly.

• Just as I've always suspected, the world's oldest joke is all about the fart.

• I can quit the Internet at anytime. I don't need to check my Facebook page or send Tweets. I'm totally cool.
  


• Hockey bad boy and fashionista, Sean Avery, is into cougars. Could some one please slip him my URL?

Extra Tit-Bits

• When I was ten years-old, I wanted to go see "The Yearling" with my friends. My Dad, who could always be counted on to never say no, said absolutely not. I went anyway. I left the theatre right after the deer was shot in the head and ran all the way home with tears and snot streaming down my face. I take this trip down memory lane as a way of introducing you to this bittersweet animal story...and here's the happy ending that I wished had been in the movie.

• Friday is National Girlfriends Day! Before my boyfriend has a chance to freak out and hide his credit cards -- it's not that kind of girlfriend. It's a day to celebrate your female friends. The fabulous website, Girlfriendology, has created a list of ways you can let your 'girltourage' know that you love them.

• When I was twelve, I wanted to be an architect. When I was thirteen, I found out it involved math, thus bringing my career plans to a close. No worries, when I was fourteen, I wanted to be a rock star. I think we all know how well that turned out. I'm glad I left the architecture to the professionals -- here's a little something about one of the best.

Morning Hot Flash July 31, 2008

• From the category of "it should come as no surprise," turns out we like our women very thin and our cats very fat. I seriously wish it was the other way around. It would be healthier for all of us. And by-the-way, the vet just confirmed that "Princess Chunk" is actually "Prince Chunk." And his foster mom is claiming he has a thyroid problem. Hmmmmm....
  

• People under 40 -- go on yoga dates. People over 40 -- get drunk on Cadillac margaritas and then go home and wrestle for control of the television remote. Who's getting a better workout? I'll let you decide.
  
  
• One of my favorite websites, Jezebel is doing a feature on the new "Celebrity Cellulite" cover story on the National Enquirer. It's my favorite annual issue. Go on! Make yourself a second cup of coffee, and settle in to scrutinize the cottage cheese on the thighs of movie stars. You'll feel a whole better about your own dimpled bum-bum...
  
  
• I cry every Sunday night when they "move that bus," but I had a horrible feeling that something like this would happen...
  
  


• I fall in love with the drama of the Olympics every two years. I'm planning to order Chinese food and enjoy the opening ceremonies from Beijing next Friday night. Did you ever wonder what happens to the athletes after the games? The New York Times found out in a fabulous multimedia report.

Editor's Note

In my post earlier today, I made reference to "my ladyflower." The next time I clicked onto my blog, I noticed that the Google Ads on my page had been updated with the following:

Interior Plants
Interior Plant Design & Maintenance Residential & Commercial. Call Us!
www.Superpages.com

I don't know if the ads are placed by random word searches or not, but just in case there was human involvement in this happy accident, I'd like to thank the Google employee with the sense of humor. You made my day.

Morning Hot Shakin' Flash July 30, 2008

• Stirred, not shaken...I'm just like James Bond and his martinis when it comes to earthquakes. I may be a west coast dweller, but I all I can do is quiver when the ground suddenly begins to move under my feet. Yesterday's earthquake sent me into a tizzie...and then I realized it was a news story that I had to cover. A good day's work here.
  

• Have you already witnessed the reunion of Christian the lion with the two English gentlemen who raised him from a cub and then re-introduced him to the wild in Africa? Millions of people have already watched the reunion on YouTube. If you haven't seen it, click here. But first get some Kleenex...I can't watch it without bawling like a baby.
  
  
• O solo mio! I'm moving to Venice and becoming a gondolier. Why? You might ask.
  
  
• I've never been a fan of Spanx. They're uncomfortable and I have a hard time feeling sexy when my ladyflower feels like it's all sealed up in Saran Wrap.
  
  
• The bidding war is over. The most beautiful people ever born will be posing for People magazine.

FWD: Jokes From Betty

Mom's been busy hitting the forward button again this week. Did she forget that I'm currently a blonde?

From: "Mom"
Date: July 28, 2008 10:54:41 PM EDT
To: [Sarah]
Subject: FWD: Football and Blondes

Football FINALLY makes sense..........
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents.'

Morning Hot Flash July 29, 2008

• Vanity Fair published their International Best-Dressed List on their website this morning. Oddly, I was not the Sarah included on the list. Obviously, they've heard about me wearing a twenty-year old bathing suit to swim in my apartment complex's pool. I do try to wait until others are not around...but word must've leaked out. See if you're on The List.
  

• 41 year-old actress gets engaged to 28 year-old hottie. And why not?
  

• 80 year-old Oscar winning actress tears up the scenery every night in a Tony-winning play on Broadway. And why not?
  

• Thank you, Jesus! What a girl really needs first thing in the morning is a few less things to worry about while she tries to put on eyeliner without poking an eye out.
  

• She has giving birth to eighteen children over the past twenty-three years. We are exactly the same age, and just what do I have to show for my life? That's right, full and complete access to the television remote control 24/7!

I Went To A Garden Party...

I had no idea that all the time I was living in my adorable little apartment in the heart of Los Angeles that I was missing being outdoors…until I got a patio. My patio didn’t factor into my decision to take this apartment. I thought I’d never use it. Just to fill it, I bought a chaise lounge with a plump red cushion. Over the winter months I’ve been sitting in the sun on the chaise under a blanket just to be out on the patio.

And then I bought Charlie Brown’s Tomato Plant.

"Needs water," the check-out girl said as she charged me $2.99 for a sickly-looking plant with two drooping leaves.

I didn’t think it would still be alive after the car ride back to its new home on the patio. No one would believe me now, because the tomato plant has taking over my patio. It just outgrew its third pot. I gave up staking it up weeks ago and bought a cage for it. That's right, a cage for my out of control tomato plant. It's like MMA out there.

There are six green grape tomatoes currently hanging from the vines. I figure a few crumbles of blue cheese and fresh arugala, and I’ll have myself a very respectable semi-homemade salad going on.

Recently, I’ve noticed that the leaves of some of my plants have been damaged. And when I looked closer, I realized they were teeth marks. Not insect teeth – these were real animal teeth. I was sure that my patio was being frequented by some terrible creature…since I’ve moved out to ‘the 661’ I’ve had two coyote sightings. But then the other day, I caught ‘the creature’ in the act. It has tortoiseshell fur. Yes, it turns out my cat is a vegetarian. For fifteen years, I thought her favorite food was bacon.

After I discovered who had been eating my plants, I had another panic attack over whether any of my plants were toxic to cats. I found a comprehensive list online. There are more than I could’ve imagined. And then I bought some cat grass – I don’t know what’s in it, but she knows it’s hers…and she’s not using my jasmine as a side salad for her Fancy Feast anymore.

Extra Tit-Bits

• The fact that the economy is in the toidy is bringing us a new look on fashion runways this season. It's Neo-Depression era chic! Hello! Can you say Charleston lessons?

• Silly me! I thought it had something to do with personal hygiene.

• He's currently vacationing on a South Sea island with Amelia Earhart...

• Why is it that when powerful women write books for how to tap into your power the books are always geared to young women? I need a book about harnassing my middle-aged girl power. Can someone get Wonder Woman on the phone? Anyone? Bueller?

• I'm a time-waster...I'm a time-waster...(Sing-along to the melody of girl watcher, please.)

• Turns out my dream house is located in Stillwater, Minnesota. And it's got the dreamy Sam Shepard already living in it! Oh-so incredibly convenient.
  

Morning Hot Flash July 28, 2008

• I fell asleep long before the premiere episode of the second season of "Mad Men" was even at the halfway point. I managed to see the opening montage -- which was lovely, but after that things get a little cloudy. Did Don Draper actually spend Valentine's Day with Betty? No. That couldn't be true. When you have a 4:30 a.m. wake-up call, it's hard to still be awake for the eleven o'clock news the night before. Jay Leno falls in the "I'd love to, but I can't" category, and I have a better chance of sleeping with Craig Ferguson than I have of being awake to see his show. So please, don't tell me what happened on last night's episode of "Mad Men." I have it on my DVR and will enjoy it this afternoon when I get home. Until then, I'll get my fix behind the scenes...

• Helen Thomas is one of the original old broads. I admire her spirit, her smarts and her perseverance. I can hardly wait to see the documentary about her life in the White House press corps.

• A bunch of former employees of Google got together to create something really cool. Only they decided to spell it a little bit differently. Check it out here...it's way cuil!

• I'm always a day late and a dollar short. I'll be mailing my reservation in for next year's conference right after lunch.

• I have always been fascinated with the idea of ghost . I love visiting ghost towns. I think it grew out of my long-time fascination with history. And now there's a website devoted to ghost towns so that you and Caspar can plan your next vacation.

• I don't know about you, but my self-esteem has been in a witness protection program for years.