Morning Hot Flash August 22, 2008

• Just because I'm a middle-aged white chick who's pissed off that Hill bumped her head on the glass ceiling doesn't mean that I'm going mad in the attic like Mrs. Rochester. I am crazy -- like a fox! But I'm tired of pundits telling me that I'm a 'Hillary Harridan' who's so mad with anger that I'm likely to do something that goes completely against my political beliefs. By the way dearest pundits...Rush Limbaugh's white-boy anger turned him into a multi-millionaire...makes a girl think.
  
  
• Barack Obama will be pinning someone with his fraternity lavaliere today.

• Michael Phelps! You've just won your eighth gold medal of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, who are you going to do?
  


• Pop star Gwen Stefani has given birth to a Zuma. My prayers for his future include that he attend the same junior high with Nic Cage's kid Kal-el. That way they can trade off being beaten up.
  


• If this were true, I'd be dead.
  


• Take this pledge and help create a body image that real woman can actually aspire to be.

• Every Cinderella needs a castle...today let's go on a tour of The Manor with Candy-rella Spelling. This is almost as good as an episode of 'House Hunters International.'
  
  
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Extra Tit-Bits

• And now for something completely different...You may have noticed that I haven't been as focused on the Olympic games recently, and so I guess I must shoulder some of the blame for everything that's gone wrong over in Beijing over the past 24 hours or so. I wasn't the only one who dropped the ball...both the men's and women's 4x100 relay teams from Team USA dropped their respective batons during preliminary heats and will not be going for a medal. I'm not a professional, but I do believe NOT dropping the baton is key to winning a relay race. Meanwhile, the Queens of Softball: Team USA -- in a big shocker -- lost the gold medal game to the Japanese and the USA women's water polo team got their asses kicked by the Netherlands. Fortunately, beach volleyball bombshells Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh played in the rain and won in straight sets over a very tough Chinese home team. The men in my world stayed up late watching that athletic competition...and I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that they were wearing wet bikinis and hugging after each point. Nothing at all. Team USA's soccer girls also came through with gold medals after defeating Brazil in overtime. Way to rock it, ladies!

• Just as I have always assumed...dressing 'real women' isn't something the fashion industry is actually interested in. It makes me outraged!

• We were eating sushi in the back corner of our favorite little Japanese restaurant in the Santa Clarita Valley when this song came on the radio. I couldn't stop my toes from tapping. It samples Warren Zevon's 'Werewolves of London' and 'Sweet Home Alabama.' Only Kid Rock could do it. But the real reason I'm including it here is that the video was filmed in northern Michigan. Makes me misty-eyed and homesick...

Morning Hot Flash August 21, 2008

• Sheryl Crow throws a Tupperware party. Grab your Chex mix and come on down!
  
  
• Sharon Stone's date is half her age. Same goes for Bruce Willis, Donald Trump, Michael Douglas, Hugh Hefner, Phil Collins...should I go on?

• Jodie Foster finds out that being a lesbian won't opt her out of the standard midlife crisis...and her ex may get $25 million. Makes a girl think!

• Gloria Swanson's granddaughter lives in a swanky swank house.

• Want to make your dreams come true by starting your own company? I can smell your passion from here.

• I count The Devil Wears Prada in the top five of my favorite Chick Lit books. And I loved the movie. I actually own it on DVD. I went to see author Lauren Weisberger speak at the LA Festival of Books a couple years ago. She seemed a little more concerned about how she looked than what she was going to say -- but I cut the girl some slack because she was a survivor of the fashion industry. But since that time, I've attempted to read her two follow-up novels. I can't remember the name of either. They were dreck, and I failed miserably. Which is a big deal for me, because like Mikey and Life Cereal, I'll read almost anything. No wonder she's hoping someone else comes up with an idea for her next book.

Mama Mia!

• While everyone's been focused on Michael Phelps' abs...yes, I am 'everyone'...the big winners at the 2008 Beijing Olympics are Moms. Mom to a two-year-old and sporting one of the hottest bods of the games, Dara Torres rocks the pool in the Water Cube despite being old enough to be the mom to most of her competitors. And she not only looks good...she kicks their ass! She's bringing home two silver medals to add to her trophy case. Meanwhile, over at the castle of gymnastics, where thirteen year-old girls are wearing eye make-up to look sixteen, a mom competing for Germany took the bronze medal when she stuck the landing. Turns out she flips for her kid. And just so you know...Michael isn't the only Phelps cutting endorsement deals in Beijing this week. Debbie Phelps' wardrobe for her week of bench-sitting in the Water Cube was brought to you by Chico's fashions. And when she gets back to the U.S., she's got another deal waiting.

• I blame Meg Ryan for making me believe in happy endings, and NOW she tells me that they don't come true. Thanks a lot! I'll just have to comfort myself by watching 'When Harry Met Sally'...for the eleventy-hundredth-million time.

• Oh my Lord! That's my church...130 members of the Agape International Choir are rehearsing for a final time before heading to the Democratic National Convention in Denver, where they will perform TENTATIVELY on Monday.

Morning Hot Flash August 20, 2008

• Kansas Governor and 60 year-old hottie who rocks the silver hairs, Kathleen Sebelius, is a long shot to win the Obama Veepstakes this week. She shares Obama's political POV, but she doesn't balance the ticket with enough international experience. Insiders also say if Obama picks her it would be a slight to Hillary. I love Hill...but she's gotta get over it! Kathleen Sebelius and I share a homebase in Leland, Michigan....so I'm cheering for her all the way! You go, girl!

• Since I moved to the suburbs I discovered Applebee's has a Weight Watcher's menu with a tasty tilapia dish. They also make a delicious Margarita. Yeah, right -- they cancel each other out, but I hope the facelift they're getting doesn't turn out like Jennifer Grey's nose...nice, but too different.

• You know you look fabulous!!!! But just in case, here's some scientific information about wrinkle removers that will prevent you from spending $29.95 on a Guthy Renker product that you see on the television in the middle of the night while you're struggling with insomnia and you will regret when it makes you bounce your checking account. No, I have no personal experience with this at all...

• I hope the 2014 and 2016 Olympics are in my time zone...I'll be too old by then to be as sleep deprived as I am now. You have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to make the early bird buffet by 4:30 p.m.

• Just for fun...check out this animated view of the dog days of Summer.

Extra Tit-Bits

• With apologies sent to the stables, Cloris Leachman is the kind of old broad that I aspire to be. At a recent screening of Young Frankenstein, I watched her hold her own on stage with Mel Brooks -- who lives to upstage whoever he's sharing the stage with. Watch her hold her own at a roast of Bob Saget. Goodnight, Frau Blucher! [Horses whinny.]
  
  
• Olympic officials give the Spanish synchronized swimmers a wardrobe malfunction.

• Meet Yoda. He can hear a can of Fancy Feast being opened from five miles away.

• The Smash Shack is not mine...but I think it's a great idea. Sarah rocks!
  

Morning Hot Flash August 19, 2008

• Sports Illustrated's new cover boy looks pretty good to me. I remember when Mark Spitz posed for a similar cover back in 1972. His gold medals look like chump change next to Phelps' stash. Here's speculation about who Michael Phelps might be snogging...other than me... in my dreams.

• Chicks like sports! We're watching the Olympics and they're trying to sell us stuff.
  


• Good news for Tits McGee! Let this be a lesson to those of you that think it can't happen to you. Get your long-overdue mammogram today.
  


• Obama is ready to tell the world about his new BFF. McCain will give us the name of his partner in crime on August 29 in Ohio. I hope they both bring bug spray -- things can mighty humid in the Midwest that time of year.

• A few of us seem to be getting better with age. Rock on!

It's Not Working Properly

Does anyone else find it funny that the 'cone of silence' they keep talking about in the same sentence with John McCain's appearance at the Saddleback Church is a reference to the bumbling spy comedy 'Get Smart?' Did Pastor Rick Warren not get the memo? It never did really work.

Extra Tit-Bits

This is one of my favorite video clips ever from an Olympic broadcast...Yes, it involves spandex but, no, it has nothing to do with Michael Phelps' swimming attire or women over 40, but once Al & Matt start giggling...I'm a goner...It will make you smile. Then watch NBC's Jeff Zucker pat himself on the back for doing such a great job on the Olympics.I hope he's still patting himself, and not wishing he had a V-8, when the fall television season starts a month from now.

Here's a little update on the race you were watching before the Olympics started...I know it's hard to remember your life before you were sleep deprived and having dirty daydreams about a 23-year-old swimmer from Baltimore.

If you've ever worked hard at the craft of writing then please don't read this...it will make you very upset. On the other hand, maybe it will make you upset enough that you will finally finish the writing project that you've been working on for the past five years. So go ahead...read this!

Morning Hot Flash August 18, 2008

• Take a moment from celebrating the achievements of Team USA swimmer Michael Phelps, who won his 8th gold medal of the Beijing Olympics over the weekend, to celebrate the life of one cool California girl and a ground-breaking athlete in her own right.

• A new documentary focuses on America's obsession with unattainable beauty. Hmmmm....
  


• If you still haven't gotten enough peeks of Michael Phelps' abs...I don't blame you...then maybe you should visit his website.
  


• Middle-aged chicks get married. To each other.
  
  
• Have you been following the saga of Tom Cruise and his producing partner, Paula Wagner? It's really starting to get interesting, more interesting, in fact, than most of the material that Cruise probably has in development right now. Although his most recent turn as a studio chief in Tropic Thunder shouldn't be missed.

• Jon Stewart is the most influential journalist of our time. That's funny, because I'm so old I remember when he was a comedian and television host.