Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The picture of grace

Did I mention that I'm not aging gracefully? When I was younger, I remember going over photos in magazines of gorgeous movie stars of a certain age and saying in the most dismissive tone, she's had some work done. And now I think, so what if she has? You go, girl!

I get it. You hit a certain point in your life when it isn't going to get better. You're not going to drop a few pounds and find out there was a rockin' body hidden beneath that flab. You're middle-aged! Your metabolism -- what you have left of it -- is working against you. I'm generally ok with what I look like. I say, go with what you got, sister! It just don't get any better than this!

The other day I found two white hairs (not gray -- we're talking snowy white owl WHITE!) in the base of my left eyebrow. Without hesitation I grabbed the tweezers and whipped those bad boys out of there. Good riddance. Until I realized that I now have a hole in the middle of my eyebrow. Oh! My left eyebrow looks like it has an eye -- like a tadpole swimming above my eye. This is not good. If I was a guy, I'd think about the temporary use of an eye patch because it would make me mysterious and sexy. Unfortunately, an eyepatch doesn't do the same thing for a middle-aged chick. Besides, my eyesight isn't so hot with two eyes working for me -- I don't want to limit my options for vanity's sake. I'd probably get in a car accident.

Later that same day, I noticed a zit growing up under my chin. And this sucker's huge. I would estimate that it could be compared to an aircraft carrier or the entire Rocky Mountain range in size. A lot of territory is involved. And it seems to have plans to make my under-chin a permanent home. It's not going away any time soon. In the meantime, while most people are unable to see it -- it has caused my chin to take on a decidedly pointed appearance. Let me just say that I fear that someone at work is going to ask me if I commute to work on my own broom. Yeah, it's that bad.

I have one happy thought that is comforting me through all of this. At least I know what I'm doing for a Halloween costume. I'm either going to be a pirate or a witch. Depends on which problem I'm still dealing with at the end of October.

No comments: