Cinderellavision

Kristi Yamaguchi is 38 years old, a hockey wife and mother of two children. She's Cinderella on ice...and she makes it look way better than the girls half her age.

Extra Tit-Bits

• Vote Obama...Michelle or Barack?

• "He's gonna be naked in all the sketches I write, for sure." Kristin Wiig is a woman after my own heart.

• Did he just call the President of the United States a 'retarded cowboy?'

• Turns out people want their on-camera drama on scripted television programs -- not between their egomaniacal news anchors.

• Top ten Doh! moments of the Presidential race...so far!

• Can you imagine the excuse note this kid's mom is going to have to write him? "Dear Mrs. Johnson, Please excuse my boy's absence. He was beaten up by a flying fish."

Extra Tit-Bits

• Most. Watched. Olympics...Ever!
  
  
• The home of the Beatles and Williams Shakespeare is already suffering from an inferiority complex. They labor unions are bringing them down. Did they not know they're also home to Andrew Lloyd Webber and Elton John and the other queen, what's her name...Elizabeth? They all know how to put on a show.
  
  
  
• Joe-bo-bama best-seller!
  
  
• The, I'm so-sure it's lovely, farm community of Turlock (rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?) in the Central Valley of California overlooks the usual nuptial need for photographic splendor and says 'Bring on the brides!' Nothing says 'happily ever after' better than the smell of cow manure!
  
  
  
• I am as green as Kermit T. Frog.

Morning Hot Flash August 25, 2008

• Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do with my free time now that the Olympics are over? I honestly don't have any idea what I used to do with myself in the evenings before the digitally enhanced opening ceremonies in Beijing. Oh, wait....here's a little something that will take up some time this week...and I have a feeling that some of the speeches will provide me with more than ample opportunities for nap time.
  
  
• Misty May-Treanor! You just won the gold medal in beach volleyball at the Olympics, what are you going to do now? Zoinks!
  
  
• There are three chick flicks coming out this fall? Three!!! I demand a recount.

• Just another reminder to never ever...no matter what...judge a book by its cover.
  
  
• I used to work as an administrative assistant to a yoga instructor. She would freak me out by screaming, 'Namaste!' at people she was fighting with over the phone. My current yoga instructor is the most intense person I've ever encountered. If I had to describe her, I would use the word 'brittle.' But I love the little old building where the classes are held with the high ceilings, skylights and polished wooden floors. The people in the class are friendly including an elderly couple in the back of the room who sweetly assist each other as they attempt to twist their bodies into the yoga positions. Now and then the teacher barks at them to be QUIET!!!! So I'm not completely conviced that the yoga is the thing to take the edge off of menopause...

Extra Tit-Bits

• And now for something completely different...You may have noticed that I haven't been as focused on the Olympic games recently, and so I guess I must shoulder some of the blame for everything that's gone wrong over in Beijing over the past 24 hours or so. I wasn't the only one who dropped the ball...both the men's and women's 4x100 relay teams from Team USA dropped their respective batons during preliminary heats and will not be going for a medal. I'm not a professional, but I do believe NOT dropping the baton is key to winning a relay race. Meanwhile, the Queens of Softball: Team USA -- in a big shocker -- lost the gold medal game to the Japanese and the USA women's water polo team got their asses kicked by the Netherlands. Fortunately, beach volleyball bombshells Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh played in the rain and won in straight sets over a very tough Chinese home team. The men in my world stayed up late watching that athletic competition...and I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that they were wearing wet bikinis and hugging after each point. Nothing at all. Team USA's soccer girls also came through with gold medals after defeating Brazil in overtime. Way to rock it, ladies!

• Just as I have always assumed...dressing 'real women' isn't something the fashion industry is actually interested in. It makes me outraged!

• We were eating sushi in the back corner of our favorite little Japanese restaurant in the Santa Clarita Valley when this song came on the radio. I couldn't stop my toes from tapping. It samples Warren Zevon's 'Werewolves of London' and 'Sweet Home Alabama.' Only Kid Rock could do it. But the real reason I'm including it here is that the video was filmed in northern Michigan. Makes me misty-eyed and homesick...

Mama Mia!

• While everyone's been focused on Michael Phelps' abs...yes, I am 'everyone'...the big winners at the 2008 Beijing Olympics are Moms. Mom to a two-year-old and sporting one of the hottest bods of the games, Dara Torres rocks the pool in the Water Cube despite being old enough to be the mom to most of her competitors. And she not only looks good...she kicks their ass! She's bringing home two silver medals to add to her trophy case. Meanwhile, over at the castle of gymnastics, where thirteen year-old girls are wearing eye make-up to look sixteen, a mom competing for Germany took the bronze medal when she stuck the landing. Turns out she flips for her kid. And just so you know...Michael isn't the only Phelps cutting endorsement deals in Beijing this week. Debbie Phelps' wardrobe for her week of bench-sitting in the Water Cube was brought to you by Chico's fashions. And when she gets back to the U.S., she's got another deal waiting.

• I blame Meg Ryan for making me believe in happy endings, and NOW she tells me that they don't come true. Thanks a lot! I'll just have to comfort myself by watching 'When Harry Met Sally'...for the eleventy-hundredth-million time.

• Oh my Lord! That's my church...130 members of the Agape International Choir are rehearsing for a final time before heading to the Democratic National Convention in Denver, where they will perform TENTATIVELY on Monday.

Morning Hot Flash August 20, 2008

• Kansas Governor and 60 year-old hottie who rocks the silver hairs, Kathleen Sebelius, is a long shot to win the Obama Veepstakes this week. She shares Obama's political POV, but she doesn't balance the ticket with enough international experience. Insiders also say if Obama picks her it would be a slight to Hillary. I love Hill...but she's gotta get over it! Kathleen Sebelius and I share a homebase in Leland, Michigan....so I'm cheering for her all the way! You go, girl!

• Since I moved to the suburbs I discovered Applebee's has a Weight Watcher's menu with a tasty tilapia dish. They also make a delicious Margarita. Yeah, right -- they cancel each other out, but I hope the facelift they're getting doesn't turn out like Jennifer Grey's nose...nice, but too different.

• You know you look fabulous!!!! But just in case, here's some scientific information about wrinkle removers that will prevent you from spending $29.95 on a Guthy Renker product that you see on the television in the middle of the night while you're struggling with insomnia and you will regret when it makes you bounce your checking account. No, I have no personal experience with this at all...

• I hope the 2014 and 2016 Olympics are in my time zone...I'll be too old by then to be as sleep deprived as I am now. You have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to make the early bird buffet by 4:30 p.m.

• Just for fun...check out this animated view of the dog days of Summer.

Extra Tit-Bits

• With apologies sent to the stables, Cloris Leachman is the kind of old broad that I aspire to be. At a recent screening of Young Frankenstein, I watched her hold her own on stage with Mel Brooks -- who lives to upstage whoever he's sharing the stage with. Watch her hold her own at a roast of Bob Saget. Goodnight, Frau Blucher! [Horses whinny.]
  
  
• Olympic officials give the Spanish synchronized swimmers a wardrobe malfunction.

• Meet Yoda. He can hear a can of Fancy Feast being opened from five miles away.

• The Smash Shack is not mine...but I think it's a great idea. Sarah rocks!
  

Morning Hot Flash August 19, 2008

• Sports Illustrated's new cover boy looks pretty good to me. I remember when Mark Spitz posed for a similar cover back in 1972. His gold medals look like chump change next to Phelps' stash. Here's speculation about who Michael Phelps might be snogging...other than me... in my dreams.

• Chicks like sports! We're watching the Olympics and they're trying to sell us stuff.
  


• Good news for Tits McGee! Let this be a lesson to those of you that think it can't happen to you. Get your long-overdue mammogram today.
  


• Obama is ready to tell the world about his new BFF. McCain will give us the name of his partner in crime on August 29 in Ohio. I hope they both bring bug spray -- things can mighty humid in the Midwest that time of year.

• A few of us seem to be getting better with age. Rock on!

I Know What You Did Last Night

During a regular work week by Friday morning I'm feeling enough sleep deprivation that I need an extra shot of coffee to keep it rolling along. This week, there isn't enough coffee in all of Columbia to keep me going. I need a serious nap, but I can't stop watching the Olympics. And from what I can tell from the status updates of my friends on Facebook -- they can't either. Here's just a sample of the updates I've seen this week:

has cleared her calendar for the next two weeks to watch the Olympics.

has three words for you. Men's, Synchronized, Diving.

is watching the Olympics and thinking about sex.

doesn't want to go to bed for fear he'll miss something fun.

is wondering what he will do with his free time when the Olympics are over.

has just been handed a copy of "Breaking Dawn" and is wondering how much this will cut into her Olympic viewing.

is still watching the Olympics.

is staying up way past her bedtime watching the Olympics.

is exhausted from staying up too late watching the Olympics.

is loving the swimming & gymnastics...but hating that I'm getting very little sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZZ!

is done being on Beijing time and will now use her Tivo for its God-given purpose.

is certain that Michael Phelps can't be as tired from winning Olympic medals as she is from staying up late watching him.

is totally psyched for the Giant Slalom and the Luge.

Morning Hot Flash August 15, 2008

• Breaking News: Cinderella, Snow White and Tinkerbell have been arrested. Peter Pan and the dwarfs are attempting to raise bail money selling apples. Prince Charming, as expected, has been completely useless.

• When I was in junior high school, Demi Moore was eighteen and a cast member on "General Hospital." Currently, Demi and I are the same age and she's married to Ashton Kutcher. I'm all about 'you're just as young as you feel'...but shaving 14 years off your chronological age takes the cake.
  
  
• I didn't know it but I've been involved in a scientific experiment for years. Haven't we all?

• Are you still watching the Olympics? I'd like to speak to the head of programming at NBC, or whoever made the decision to put the marquee event of the games on AFTER 11:00 p.m. On a school night. I have a 4:30 a.m. wake-up call and even though I tried to stay awake -- I was unconscious by 10:30 p.m. Everyone I know is bleary-eyed from staying up late watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps won another gold medal. Yawn! He wasn't in a starring role last night. He was just a supporting player. The real stars were two chicks from the U.S. I've seen the highlights from Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson's performances last night. They make tough look easy. And they do it all with their toes pointed. Way to rock it, ladies!

• It's almost the weekend, and so as a little treat, I give you one of my favorite things...a peek at stars without make-up...it doesn't get any better!

Morning Hot Flash August 14, 2008

• Last night I was talking to my best friend on the phone for the first time in like FOR-evah when she says, "Honey, I love you, but the swimming is on." I hung up immediately. The girl's got the fever. I confess that I've had impure thoughts about Michael Phelps in his swimming ahhhh...attire...and yes, you don't have to remind me that I'm old enough to be his mommy. Oh Mommy! We've all got the FEV-ah! I'm exhausted from monitoring the Olympic activities round-the-clock, and now they tell me they're going to add a little more eye candy to the closing ceremonies. I can't take it!
  
  
• It was my favorite angry chick you-done-me-so-bad song. It was such a let down to learn it was about one of the guys from Full House.
  
  
• Ask her if she wants to go to the mall. If she can text her answer back to you faster than she can talk, she's thirteen.

• Turns out my idol, chef Julia Child, was poaching more than salmon during World War II...she was poaching secrets too. The lovely Julia was a spy. I remember reading in her biography that she had worked for the OSS in China...I just assumed that meant she was a spy, but I'm going to act surprised so that I can be like everyone else this morning.
  
  
• A woman has won the hog-calling contest for the first time ever. Doris Probst entered the contests for both the hog-calling and the husband-calling at the Illinois State Fair this year. I'm not sure how things turned out for her in the husband-calling contest, but I think her triumph in the hog-calling is proof that bacon is better. Rock on, sister!

• Older chicks know that we don't have to pay a lot for fashion. It's our attitude that makes us look so goooooood!